So many come to me wanting to change their way of eating for the better with the challenge of their partner being on board. Ironically, if they have children, they seem even more apprehensive of their partner than the kiddos. The goals with true and real health is to have the entire family a part of it. Because the goals are so important and related to overall health, we as women want to be a teacher, a leader, and a role model in our home. It’s challenging when your adult partner is resistant to the changes you want to make where many times you feel like you’re dealing with another toddler. Trust me, I know this. My partner is never hungry at 5pm when Brooklyn and I eat. He loves breaded fish filets- as in the old school unhealthy ones. He thinks it’s healthy because it’s fish. He could eat a burger for dinner every night. Sometimes he eats fried pork rinds. Sometimes it’s his homemade trail mix with Planters honey roasted peanuts, spicy peanuts, and raisins. There are times he eats veggies but for the most part, he isn’t part of our meals. So what have I been doing?
- First, I sat and really thought about what I can control and what I can’t. This is how I live my life in general based on all the amazing people I learn from (Tony Robbins, Danielle LaPorte, Kris Carr, Marie Forleo, Tim Ferris, and Michael Hyatt to name my favorites). I used to go crazy trying to force my husband to try this and constantly asking him why he didn’t like something I made. I put up the stop sign and told myself, “I am dealing with a grown (bleep) man!” and changed my mindset. What I could control is what I shopped for, cooked, and provided for Brooklyn and me. And that is exactly what I do. I cannot focus on something that is not changing, no matter how inspiring I feel I am. He sees what I do every day and knows the doors are always open to join us. I have enough going on with a toddler and myself than to obsess about what I call my “Adult Toddler”.
- Second, I don’t try to create Rome in a day. When I make changes, I instill baby steps for my family and myself. Doing a 180 or setting super high (and unrealistic) goals, or throwing out everything in your home, will only create negative feelings. Don’t lecture, don’t preach, just talk about what you are doing, ask your partner to taste something you are cooking on the stove, don’t go into the 34 ingredients and why they make you healthier, and don’t go on and on about what they are eating is poison. Many of us actually know how to eat healthy. It’s everywhere- how can you avoid it? Don’t ignore health benefits of something, why you love it, or how it makes you feel. But do it in a gentle way, a subtle way.
- I followed my pediatrician’s advice on eating for my toddler and instilled it in my “Adult Toddler”. When Brooklyn started getting pickier with her eating, and her personality was getting stronger, I asked my pediatrician for advice on this. Her best advice was “Do NOT become a short order cook. What you make is what the family is eating for that meal. If she doesn’t eat it, that is it. No snacks after dinner, no special meal you get up and make, the meal you make is the meal you all are eating. Brooklyn will not starve herself.” I like to give variety in my meals so we can all choose from an assortment of flavors and textures. I make enough for hubby and he knows he is welcome to the meal. It’s his choice. If I have leftovers, I just use them the next day. I do not make any special meal for him or take more time than needed to ensure he’s eating a good dinner. He can make these decisions himself if he chooses not to eat what we are eating.
- Finally, I am true to my passions and teachings and stay dedicated and consistent. If my husband makes a trip to the store to get his food items, that’s fine. But when I shop for the family, I make sure my values and goals are in my decisions I make when it comes to food. My kitchen is stocked based on this and therefore what I cook and what we snack on is in that family. I don’t get mad at him if he brings home 3 bags of potato chips. I don’t have the energy nor do I want to focus my energy on something like that. Again, he is an adult and it’s his decision. He sees all the other things I buy and make and always knows they are his for the taking.
The focus on being healthy needs to stay on track and we are the leaders in our family. Our energy needs to be on the track of educating ourselves, inspiring our family, motivating your home, and being the amazing role model you are. If your partner comes on board eventually, fantastic! Be patient. If your partner is taking their time or never comes on board, the goal of focusing on what you are influencing and the choices you are making is the road to take.
XO-
