I was prompted to write today based on an Instagram post by the Blue Dot Project (if you don’t follow them, PLEASE do or travel to their website, www.thebluedotproject.org). It goes a little something like this,
“You are allowed to outgrow people.” The caption under it explains, “Just as the seasons change, so do people. Growth is going to happen, don’t hold yourself back by fighting it, take the time you need to move up and move on.”
Chapter 9 of my upcoming book is alllll about the subject of changing and evolving friendships after you become a mom. Honestly, I have had the “best friends forever” stamp on certain women in my life where things just aren’t in sync. Chemistry is totally off with one. A few make zero effort to maintain the friendship. One I just feel isn’t what I crave with friendships at this time in my life.
I’m not mad at anyone. Disappointed in some, yes. Forgiving, of course. The more signs I get, the more I think, and then I talk to those around me that I trust and understand this need of letting go. This is hard for me as I not only have a hard time with change, but of abandoning things. Especially people. I have a lot of guilt but also hope that things will change and be back to where they were. Problem is, that’s not happening. I’ve been waiting a long time on top of it.
No one told me that this could happen in my life. The friends I have grown up with were going to be my friends for life. I thought that unless we had some huge fight or they slept with my husband, that there weren’t any reasons to end a friendship. Turns out, I need someone to reach out to me to say hello… and not be silent for six months. I crave someone else making the plans and not always being me. I’m desperate for someone to be relatable and real about their life, and to not be a perfectionist. Time is only getting more strained but I need a friend that values our relationship enough to carve out just one hour a month to catch up face-to-face.
What’s sad is I believe that if I let some of the friendships go, I don’t think they’ll be begging for them to fixed. Another thing I have to come to terms with and face. What I also need to focus on are the incredible friends right in front of me that are just as busy as others and make time to say hello, plan a dinner, try to get a couples’ night going, organize a girls’ weekend, and simply send a card to say they’re thinking of me. I need to align my life and energy towards these women. As a mom, and someone that has a hard time with this mom gig, I need friendships that fertilize me to grow. Not have me stuck overanalyzing, questioning, and living in the past. As a mom, I need a community of women that bring me excitement and electricity. Not a feeling inside that I’m being fitted in or they are too distracted where I feel it’s a courtesy date. No thanks. I’m not bitter, just need to move forward and make motherhood, and life in general, the best possible.
I hope you can as well mom. You deserve it.
